October 8, 2026
Internal Expectations + External Expectations = !&#%@$!!!
Two Sinners
When I write a blog post, I often choose a topic that I’m struggling with, not one that I’ve mastered. Writing about it helps to strengthen my resolve to do better in the future. However, sometimes it can sound like I’m preaching or admonishing others, rather than speaking to myself.
Which brings us to today’s blog post topic.
After being out of photographic action for two months due to the snakebite, I found myself creating with my mind. As my wife chauffeured me around, I had the rare opportunity to be a passenger, which allowed me to look, to see, and to compose images in my mind’s eye. During these rides, an idea for a new project formed, but it depended on the weather; and fortunately the conditions were perfect this time of year.
Internal Expectations:
I was growing physically stronger and so I planned a photo trip: I’d head out to the Great Plains of Kansas and Nebraska for four days to see if I could execute my Vision for this new idea. Success wasn’t guaranteed, because what I wanted to do would be difficult and perhaps impossible. On the morning of my departure I had great hopes and expectations, but unfortunately the weather had changed and it was now the exact opposite of what I wanted. But I headed out anyway, hoping that the conditions would change.
They did not.
Each day the weather was beautiful but it was not what I wanted, and I became discouraged. Here I was, finally strong enough to photograph; I had an idea that I was excited about; I had four days to pursue it; I had everything I needed…except for the right conditions.
As I expressed my frustrations to my wife, she reminded me of what I teach in my presentations: expectations can be good when they drive and motivate you. But they can be bad when they blind you to what else is being presented. I was so focused on what I wanted, I could not see anything else.
External Expectations:
I had told a number of people that I was heading out on this photographic journey, and to a person, their reaction was: I cannot wait to see what you create with your Vision after your near-death experience!
These were kind-hearted sentiments from well-meaning friends. But…I let their expectations get into my head! I put pressure on myself to come home with something great: something that would impress them and meet their expectations.
Internal Expectations + External Expectations = !&#%@$!!!
When I combined my own expectations with my friends’ expectations, the result was frustration, unhappiness and depression. I did not enjoy the trip and I came home early.
What should I have done?
Enjoy the Journey:
I should have enjoyed the journey: It was a beautiful fall day, I was driving the backroads of rural America, I was eating a lot of great Mexican food, I was healthy and had no cares. Why couldn’t that have been enough? Just because I couldn’t create the project I wanted, didn’t mean I couldn’t create something else. And even if I came home empty handed, I still should have enjoyed the trip.
It turns out that the difference between a failed trip and an enjoyable one, was all about my attitude and expectations.
Sometimes I am so results oriented that I fail to enjoy the journey. This is especially true when traveling to an iconic place or to a “once in a lifetime” location. I have these high expectations that can put a damper on the creative process. The more pressure I put on myself, the less creative I feel, which causes me to put more pressure on myself.
The Trick:
The trick is to let go of expectations. To say “que sera sera, whatever will be, will be.” To enjoy where I’m at. To relax and just let go.
Easier said than done, I know! But with each failure, comes a new resolve…and I know that I’ll improve and eventually get there.
Cole
P.S. The trip was not a complete photographic failure. I was drawn to this cemetery and smiled when I saw the graves of two Sinners.
Well said and a terrific shot! You’re Back!
Happy that you are out and about and found the post interesting.
I am surprized this is even an issue for you, especially after the snake bite. It seems like many of your best photos have a significant dose of serendipity in their making their way to into your camera. I do hope this is a significant learning moment for you as you are a fu*king genius otherwise, ya know?! I guess we all have our sins. 🙂
Cole, Oh I know this story all too well. The more we put pressure on ourselves the harder it is to create . Having plans and expectations that don’t materialize puts us in mindset of frustration. Sometimes, if I can let go of my initial expectations, a whole different subject matter appears, and I come away with a few new unexpected images. Just like the photograph in your post. Maybe that is the one image you were suppose to make on your trip.
“Let Go and Let God!” springs to mind.
Another lesson!
Be kind – to yourself.
What a find: Those gravestones were your gift.
No wonder you’re miffed!
Last night our photographic society celebrated its 90th birthday. We had an audience of 70 folk.
Our speaker talked about visits to Montana and the Canadian border, photographing abandoned houses and cars, schools and churches over visits in 20yrs. He talked about respecting the “No Trespassing” laws and even when entering properties without restrictions, he and his wife didn’t move any items out of respect and also reducing the risk of disturbing rattlesnakes!
I immediately thought about you.
I spoke to a fellow member, who for many years has travelled alone in Nepal and nearer home all over Scotland. He’s getting older. He now has arthritis in his right hand. He is still driven to go climbing alone with his sheep dog. Once he was trampled on by a cow. Another time he fell on a mountaineering hike and lay on his back in hospital for months following but recovered. He’s a Cambridge graduate.
His bachelor lifestyle keeps him wanting to go climbing alone with his dog.
“Couldn’t you take a couple of people with you on a workshop tour? Then you wouldn’t be alone. “ I asked.
“Mmmm! I’ll have to think about that.” he replied.
He enjoys his own company but he’s very sociable.
Recently my husband and I have been watching the ITVx research programme which followed a group of 7yr olds in 1964. They were asked what they wanted to become and whether they wanted to marry and become a parent. They were from different backgrounds. We’ve just watched the 1999 programme of these 42yr old. Not all have continued to be filmed but those who have accepted this intrusion into their privacy have all become parents with the exception of one man. But – all of them remained involved in the interviews every 7yrs and have achieved their goals in alternative ways fulfilling their aspirations. The rest have married and had children, except for one couple who have only just tied the knot. They have all been highly driven by their individual visions.
It’s an amazing insight into how our childhood experiences, during our first 7yrs, motivate us to make decisions which match our desires .
Take care. Thanks for sharing your vision.
You’ll have to read the article that Bob Parker shared a link to, in the comments here. How fascinating to track people from 7 to 69 years old!
And that leads to the questions:
1. how many sinners is too many?
2. how does each of us define a sinner?
3. Do sinners recognize each other as such?
In regards to #3: I’d say that Mable and Marvin would recognize each other!
I have my Plan B I use when out photographing for when the conditions change or aren’t as I hoped – just photograph something else and enjoy being where I am. Basically, I switch gears. Sometimes it doesn’t always work, but it’s a start, and an opportunity to just enjoy the experience of being where I am for who knows what new ideas might pop into my head.
I very much enjoy your blog. Very motivating! Thank you. Keep on enjoying those trips as you explore your ideas.
Be here now.
Ram Das (Richard Alpert, PhD)
Cole,
A fundamental principal I use in my Psychology practice to reduce the intrusion of the kinds of expectations result in disappointment when reality does not live up to it, is to recognize the difference between expectation vs hope/wishful thinking, and embrase the phrase “you just never know”. I often recommend the article by Psychology Professor Albert Bandura PHD titled “The Psychology of chance encounters and life paths.” Best article I read in my PhD program 38 years ago.
I believe this is a link to a free copy online
https://www.scribd.com/document/771788007/The-Psychology-of-Chance-Encounters
I loved the article! It talked about the rapid advancement in communications technology (video via satellite) and I had to wonder how todays internet and social media would affect the views in the article?
Wow Cole, were you writing about me?? I swear you were talking to my wife and she planted those thoughts in your head about me, right? It must be so frustrating for her when I take a photography trip to not know if Jekyll or Hyde will be coming home from the trip. She knows how I’ve spoken about you, John, and your teachings in the Vision retreats, and we’ve both read The Creative Act by Rick Rubin several times, ear marked and highlighted it throughout…… but to call you and tell you all about my troubles is beyond her!! I need to talk to that woman……
Anyhow, hope you’re doing well and that your recent trip to the midwest was a good one!!!
Who will come out, Jekyll or Hyde? I love it!
It’s great to see you back, Cole!! Your articles are always inspiring. I’ve been working on having fewer expectations and enjoy experiences more. Sometimes there are some fantastic surprises!! Be well, my friend! Warm regards from Bill.
Hi Carla, hi Bill!
Truer words were never written!
Hey, I missed that drama of a snakebite! Glad to hear you’re mended again. It’s not a problem we have in the UK. We do have one venomous snake, the Adder, but they are quite rare and reclusive. Take care!! America’s a dangerous place.
Dangerous in so many ways!
I must say your words hit home with me, as of late everytime I go out, i was expecting to come home and download images from cards and have something great…but no..and was starting to get discouraged and disapointed. But your right, last couple times I grabbed camera bag and went out without any expections…the firs thing I noticed- I was having fun!
LOL – What a last name! At first I thought it was religious commentary. 😀 Nice catch. I’m sorry the trip didn’t go as planned though. Next time!
Your photo of the two sinners reminded me of a photo I made, that I titled “You can’t take it with you when you go.” in my area there is an old cemetary that has the nickname boot hill and in it is an old weathered wooden headstone, I took some old coins and put them in a bag and had them spilling out near the base of the stone. I like it but my wife thinks it’s goulish.
Let the past bury its own dead.
The future is only anticipation.
– Be Here Now
Coincidence? A photographer friend came to visit a week ago to go birding. It was a wash-out, so I kidnapped her to one of my favorite alternatives… an historic cemetery. Turned out she shared my passion for photographing them and, although she lived most of her life locally, didn’t even know this one existed. Moral: whether it be rules or plans, always be willing to pivot (even if you might worry you will be considered eccentric).
PS Thrilled and relieved you are doing so well.
Heel herkenbaar.
Hi Cole, I hope you are well and have recovered your health; I hope you never have to face such terrible situations—like the “Snake” incident—again.
Internal expectations are those a person places upon themselves, stemming from their convictions, values, and inner strength. With internal expectations, a person believes in their own abilities; they possess a spiritual calm rooted in faith and a self-confidence that drives them to persevere toward their goals, leading to a sense of personal fulfillment.
External expectations relate to how one steers oneself toward a goal. They depend on circumstances, obstacles, and the timeframe for achieving the objective. Thus, a person faces two battles in achieving a goal: one takes place externally, involving the obstacles and surrounding circumstances; the other takes place internally, involving doubts, expectations, patience, and self-belief.
In Narcotics Anonymous “expectations
are resentments waiting to happen “
This can be applied to any phase of life.
Your first time out…RELAX…it will come.
It may be wrapped up differently.
Hi Cole: an experience shared by a lot of us. So we need to access our internal voice (and reason) and tell ourselves it’s the journey not the – whatever – the results, the winning photo, etc. Photo opportunities are everywhere and can happen at any time, even under the most mundane and ordinary circumstances. At least you returned safe and you summoned the courage not to be discouraged but content that you can return another day……
Excellent suggestion Cole!
when life gives you lemons, make lemonade!
Glad to see and hear you are pretty much done with the snakebite saga. No question that expectations can get in the way of the creative vision. I have a sister-in-law who is a recovering alcoholic and has a favorite saying: “Expectations are planned resentments.” And it’s interesting how often it works out that way.
I wish I could share an image. I have one from years ago that would be a good companion for your “Sinners”.
I can relate, Cole.
Thanks for the honest to goodness comment.
Wow!! You have recovered!!
I am happy to read your excerpt!
If one doesn’t have any expectations from world or from the mind which is subserving you ( not the other way around) then life is
A JOY!
There is no pleasure nor there is any pain. The way I have understood is when I run after pleasure, I wind up in pain/ frustration/upset…..
Vipul, I am grateful for all the assistance you gave during my illness!
It would seem that when one chases happiness, it is elusive. But when one lives a good life, it comes unexpectedly.
Not a vacation, always an Adventure
Cole, really enjoyed your Blog. Congratulations on turning 70 years young. This year I turned 80 and Susan turned 78 and still living “Enjoy the Journey. Miss out on so much if we don’t. Early in my life I always enjoyed exploring new areas, mostly nature, the back roads, etc. When I started photographing, I really enjoyed it, but always felt part of why I enjoyed it was the journey, as you stated “Enjoy the Journey”. If I only looked forward to the destination I felt I would miss out. I would tell others over half the photographing experience is the journey, don’t miss out on all the wonderful things along the way. Over the years, before going anywhere, we said “lets manage our expectations, this is an adventure, that could lead to a vacation, lets enjoy the journey”. Later in life, more recently actually, we realized, many times we had “Intentions” of what we wanted or wanted to do. Almost always “Circumstances” would crop up, so we needed to resort to our “Manage Expectations, Enjoy The Journey”, and “It’s an Adventure, not a Vacation”. Susan & I love photographing and capturing a great shot, and realizing our initial vision, but we try never to lose sight of what we experience along our Journey. A with proper “vision”. we discover things that fit our vision.
On the nose, as usual. The internal expectations and pressures are the worst for me, but one thing that over six years of daily shooting has taught me is “you’d better take what you’re given.” No doubt a workshop, or specific destination, or project idea lays a lot more burden on to produce, while with a daily practice it’s easier to justify/rationalize more mundane work. I’d rather be doing epic adventures and output, but I do appreciate the lack of stress in the routine.
Here’s a thought that might help us all, taken from a song in 1970 but for photographers: If you don’t love the weather you’ve got, love the weather you’ve got!
Come on everyone, name that tune!
If you can’t love the one you want – love the one your with.
Good read, good responses. Too all stay well and keep burning those pixels.
I am reminiscing about a pastor in our area when I was a teen. His last name was Sinner. We called him Pastor Sinner or Brother Sinner. Glad you photographed some Sinners on your journey.